This faster train from Pingyao to Xi’an will only take three hours. It tackles the mountains head on by simply barreling through them; No more cozy patchwork fields, but the agribusiness substitutes are bursting with new growth thanks to the (presumably) toxic chemicals that are being cast with abandon as we make our way south. The graves have been corralled to the edges so they don’t interfere with plowing or the polytunnels (was it always like this or have they all been dug up and repositioned?)

It does not start well. Striver mom from a few seats down is determined I should spend the trip productively, conversing in English with her 6 year-old son. My perfectly pleasant seat companion gets what’s up and tries to run interference by refusing to give up his seat. He doesn’t stand a chance.

Son does not buy into a weekend away that involves reading English to this old lady

Honestly he reads English better than a lot of US 6 year olds and our dramatic re-enactment of Carlos’s attempts to reconcile his social life with his sporting responsibilities (he plays Carlos) delights everyone. He confides sotto-voce that he thinks baseball is stupid. ‘Do you want to go to America?’ mom asks. ‘No’ he says firmly.

There is never a free lunch. My Sir Galahad insists I make a video for him. I tell his phone that I’m Karina from the US and I’m having a great time traveling round China, but he demands a retake so I can include how old I am. (He also demands a look at my passport as proof).

Well hello again X’ian!

I’m so happy to be back in Xi’an again*. It holds a special place in my heart as the City of Eternal Spring (to be fair I have only been here in the Spring). I’m also happy with a repeat visit to the Mercure Xi’an Downtown which holds a special place in my heart as the perfect hotel to spruce up in after a road trip. The last time I was here it had just opened and the millenials-on-the-desk were so clueless I shamelessly browbeat them into numerous upgrades, extended stays etc etc. Now it’s a well-oiled machine with a free laundromat and a fabulous breakfast; the millenials have been supplemented with AI.

*Xi’an – where it ends and where it begins (2019).

The annoying robot is always trundling about taking up space in the elevator to no good end. When I ask it ‘Why are you following me around?’ it tells me (in English) not to disturb it while it is working

The Chinese have realized that if billions of people put toilet paper into the sewers it will not end well. So any hotel worth its salt has installed a bidet. Thanks to AI my bidet has learned more about me overnight than I have learned about myself in 71 years. Its flushing function automatically activates when I stand up. Fair enough. But it also activates during the night when it figures I might need a reminder to go to the bathroom. Annoyingly at precisely the time I am lying awake wondering whether I can put off a trip for another hour. The curtains have also decided that a good time for me to get on the move is at 7:24.

I am less sure about the condoms/earplugs combo. After the maid gets a look at me she swaps out the condoms for another set of earplugs.

Can’t leave without a spin round some of the items at the excellent hotel breakfast.

What you had for dinner freshly repurposed

A delicious selection of cold pickled salads

The fried egg station. The accommodating lady has learned I like mine done before they are completely rock hard

And the piece de resistance. I should add that most of the clientele is eating bacon and croissants

Culture time

I did the major sites when I was here last. This time, besides doing laundry, my goal is to visit the famous Shaanxi History museum for the Xi’an perspective on the Silk Road. It does not disappoint either me or the 10,000 other history buffs who have decided this will be the perfect way to spend a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Here we all are, dad presumably explaining why Lantian man has felt the need to slap a leaf on his (or her) privates

It is heaving with history buffs, few of them older than 40.

Sometimes it’s all just too much

And here’s the payoff (for me). Am I seeing another trip in my future?

Google lens helpfully decodes this Silk Roads map. But wait! Why is the south empty? There was a whole other Silk Road network based in Chengdu that was important during the warring states period to move goods to and from South East Asia. Is this a Xi’an-centric map or is there something I don’t know about – controversy perhaps? I’m headed there next, so we’ll see.

Some of the artifacts are staggering; I’ll put a selection at the end.

The art museums are nearby so I do due diligence. As I recall, they’re dreadful. The first one is the vanity project of some jewelry tycoon and mostly features garish works from his personal collection. They charge a relative fortune to get in and then sic on a goomba guard to forestall complaints. This time I brandish my passport and force them to give me the old lady free ticket, and the guard leaves me alone.

Yep.

But I have sneered too soon. The second exhibit saves the day! The Buddhist grottoes in Dunhuang are a hotbed for research and so are particularly precious about access – few of the caves are open to the public and even though a stupendous reconstruction has been done, photographing it is forbidden. Luckily Yang Dongmiao has dedicated her life to copying the Dunhuang murals onto paper.

Hum what’s going on there at the bottom right?

The second museum features a contemporary exhibit based on the concept of ‘Loong’ which evidently can mean anything from pretending to like something you don’t, to striving to earn your parents approbation. It seems mostly to be an excuse for posing (as usual).

Loong, whatever it means

Upstairs though, exuberant art appreciation classes for the kindergarten crowd

Meanwhile it has stopped raining so the street sweepers have come out to remove water from the pavements (this is at 5pm on a Sunday afternoon).

I would like to eat Biang Biang noodles for dinner. The only restaurant review in English I can find near the hotel is at 107 Ximin Street.

Me: Is this 107?

Lady restauranteur: No, 105

Me: So 107 is next door? (This cannot be assumed)

Next door lady restauranteur: Yes this is 107

Me: Great! Can I have Biang Biang noodles?

Entire clientele (4 people) and mine hostess erupt in consternation. Finally one customer gets up, chopsticks in hand, takes me by the arm and manhandles me to another restaurant across the road. My translation app can eavesdrop:

Sir Galahad: I think she wants Biang Biang noodles but it sounds like she’s been eating laundry detergent. Don’t make them too spicy she’s a foreigner.

To me: This is where you eat Biang Biang noodles.

The likely lads in the back for their weekly game of cards are in heaven. This is evidently more excitement than they’ve had in years.

They’re just starting on the moonshine

They cheer me when I pile on the chili crisp (they aren’t spicy enough), encourage me to have another beer, get out the moonshine and propose many toasts in my direction. (I participate only with my beer). Finally the inevitable. One of them approaches with his phone. There is a ’60’ on it. At first I think it’s the price ($9, which would be outrageous). Eventually I twig that he wants to know how old I am.

Me: 71

Likely lad: 71?! Wah!!! He too is 71.

The he in question (back right) looks like he doctored his hair just before he came out

Me: But how can he be 71? His hair is black and mine is white!

LL: Wah!! She is good one for you! Very spicy!

The black-haired one looks dubious and retreats into his cards.

We have a final toast and I pay my bill ($3) and go home.

Luoyang

There is little so satisfying in traveling as smoothly executed logistics. My side trip to Luoyang fits the bill. It requires a subway ride to the main station, a 1.5 hour fast train ride out of town and then a taxi. It all goes off without a hitch. Luoyang is home to the Longmen grottoes are one of the triad of most important Buddhist grottoes in China. The others – Dunhuang, I saw last time* and Yungang I saw last week.

*The mouth and the throat of the Empire. Part 1:the mouth

The Longmen grottoes were built by the Wei emperor when he moved his capital from Pincheg(Datong) to escape the Mongols, and represent the solid sinification of Buddhist art. Or so I’m expected to believe since at this particular moment in the 21st century little tangible evidence remains. The few caves that are open have worse erosion than Yungang, and historical restoration seems to have been abandoned.

Things aren’t looking good at one of China’s most iconic Buddhist sites.

There is no decorative work left, but there are one or two odd gems.

A good example of the Persian pearl style, which is hard to find and perhaps surprising this late and this far East

Up endless flights of stairs and the caves at the top are inevitably closed

Enthusiasm rapidly lags

My sentiments exactly

These are definitely the best views of the Longmen grottoes

Travel karma persists. I easily change my ticket back for an earlier one and treat myself to a hotpot dinner.

Extra credit:Some artifacts from the museum. Particularly struck by the bronze work from the Zhou Empire around 400 BC

The point of the pots is the inscriptions transcribed inside that codify all the social rules.

The Zhous were obsessed with hierarchy, also reflected in the pots. This bureaucrat was allowed to have five pots and four food containers, and no more on pain of death.

Remarkable bronze work

A bell from about 400BC

The Zhous were so status obsessed their empire only lasted 45 years

About 400 AD. Porcelain.

Off to Guyuan later today.